Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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