Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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