he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
