Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
