He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
