u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
