I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
