Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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