That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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