I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
