I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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