I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
