Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
