P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
