you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
