Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
