I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
