Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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