he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
