so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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