Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
either way he was missing a nipple.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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