My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
