The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize