It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
