i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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