I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Buhtt sex?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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