i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The air was thick with penises
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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