When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
