upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
