a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I need to sanitize my soul.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
