dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
