I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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