wrigley field is MILF paradise
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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