is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
