I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
you had me at cake vodka
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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