what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
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I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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