Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
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Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
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This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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