You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
