And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
