Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
