apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
