I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
