Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i came on her dog
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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