The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Everyone says I win the strip club
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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