Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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