Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
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First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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