so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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