I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
