Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
