I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
