Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
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He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
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Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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