I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
