you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
