I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
