His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Rumble strips road head = magical
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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