ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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