oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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