Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
