i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
