then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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