how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
