wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
